A half-finished logo of Survivor 50: In the Hands of the Fans, being dragged to the murky deep by the inexorable weight of a twist to which it's tied? My work is done here, there is no further comment necessary for this season. There is no way I can more succinctly capture this season, nor could I add more depth, not even with a million words.

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Okay, fine, I'll try anyway. Although I will almost certainly be skipping next week, since I'll be out of the country. Which is unfortunate, because I might have preferred to not see this one. (Then again, based on the previews, Ep10 is looking very skippable as well.) So instead, I'll try to remember that actually, this episode did have one really fun part, sandwiched between Christian being in trouble, and Christian being absolutely drawing dead. Dead in the water, you might say.

The rice 'side bet' was perfect

Before we get to [gestures vaguely] *everything else*, let's start off on a high note. Replacing the extremely grating, always awful rice "negotiation" with something that was actually fun? Home run moment. I almost wish we could have just stopped the entire episode after Joe received his necklace, then replaced the last hour with a card saying "And the Christian was voted out in a 6-3-2 split vote, just as you expected. Let's not bother with the details. Trust us on this one. We'll put up the clip of the voting booth confessionals behind Christian's very graceful final words as a secret scene online."

Obviously that didn't happen, but that doesn't diminish the majesty of Jeff Probst trying and failing to outlast people less than half his age in an individual endurance challenge that's 100% forearm- and grip-strength based. And it's not even him losing that was enjoyable, it was the playful spirit he and everyone else had about the whole experience: Everyone roasting him in real time (including the editors, via flashback, to some of his more cutting mid-challenge remarks), and Jeff good-naturedly responding with (the title quote) "I Deserve All of This." Of all the "Jeff Probst doing wacky things" variations we've had this season, this was the most fun, it had a tangible impact on the game (everyone got rice, finally), and importantly, it was an event that explicitly referenced and played off of the history of the show. It finally delivered on what this season was marketed as doing.

(Side note: The bit where Probst flips over the box hiding his challenge station, and the box collapses down, was really cool, and reminiscent of the individual challenge reveal in Ep5 of SurvivorAU 12: Redemption. Two shows having similar "dramatic reveal" ideas at roughly the same time is pretty cool.)

In all his years as the public face of the show, and especially as showrunner, Jeff Probst has generally been affable and approachable in his dealings with the press/public, but at the same time essentially stiff-arming any discussion of decisions the show has made. I've never seen Jeff Probst offer anything other than faux humility (the calculated "Aw shucks, I'm just a kid from Kansas" line he used to spit out regularly). In contrast, here we saw Jeff actually opening himself up for the cameras, setting himself up not just to possibly fail, but for everyone present to root for him to do so (because they would get rice), all while being authentically humble and raw. And it was fantastic. Give us more of *that* Jeff Probst, please.

Not only was this segment fun to watch, I wouldn't mind seeing it again in future seasons, especially if it's a permanent replacement for the rice "negotiation." Obviously the *best* path forward is just to revert to giving the players rice from Day 1. (Just listen to what Emily said at Tribal! And if you prefer your advice steroid-soaked and devoid of big words, listen to how perked-up and ready to play Jonathan was after he had rice! "It changed the whole vibe of the tribe ... My body was shutting down!") But if we *can't* have that for opaque "but then the show's not HARD enough" reasons, competing against Jeff Probst to win rice should be a regular feature. You could even do it at the marooning challenge! (It also might be satisfying to see Jeff Probst coated in pointless mud.)

I'm sure we'll eventually find a few challenges that Jeff can easily beat other people at, but that discovery process would be part of the fun. Although watching the host get his ass handed to him by a bunch of randos every season might start to lose its luster over time. And to be fair, realistically it probably won't pay off as well with newbie players as it did with players who've already endured four seasons of being bellowed at while competing. There was clearly a lot of cathartic release of frustration in Ozzy's guttural "You gotta DIG, Jeff!" But maybe in those seasons you could just skip the whole thing and give them rice from Day 1. There, that's settled.

(Another side note: After he drops out, and resets himself to start play-by-play announcing again, Probst says, "Okay, fun's over." This was, sadly, accurate.)

(Okay, fine, one more side note: As fun as this was, how amazing would it have been if once the challenge started, with Probst competing, out of the bushes popped Jonathan Penner to guest narrate? I would also accept Courtney Yates, Sandra Diaz-Twine, or perhaps an actual play-by-play person, like Rome Cooney. Maybe next time.)

Records being broken

A few quick notes on some counting stats that keep rising (because you only count up). Although Ozzy fell just short of tying Boston Rob's (US) Survivor record for career immunity wins (he's still on eight wins, vs. Rob's nine), in taking home the victory himself, Joe moved up into a tie for third place, with his sixth win.

Meanwhile, with two votes against him at Tribal (thanks to Devens and Emily), Ozzy *finally* moved past Andrea Boehlke for the most career votes against (VAP), a record she had held since S34: Game Changers. Ozzy has now been voted against 37 times.

On the other side of the voting column, Cirie has extended her US lead in career Votes for Boot (VFB), but now that she's voted 39 people out in her Survivor career, she's pulled into a tie with Shonee Bowtell (AU) for the global lead. Shonee hit her AU mark in 56 Tribal Councils, whereas Cirie has done it in only 48. (Note: Thanks in part to having to vote for himself, Christian now has voted 15 people out, good enough to make the leaderboard.)

Finally, with everyone adding two more notches to their calendars, Cirie has officially passed Boston Rob as having the second-most total days played of Survivor, even if you count the days he was wasting away on Edge of Exinction in S40: Winners at War. (If you don't, then you don't count Parvati's either, which means Cirie is already #1 overall, although Ozzy has now passed Parvati there, to take the #2 spot.)

Some of the many ways the 'one in the urn' twist was awful

- There was a large disparity in power between the prospective "advantage" Christian would have received by winning (one piddling vote out of 11, made in isolation - although as Mike Bloom flagged, the rules show he also could have banked an extra vote if he wanted to, good until Final 7), and the complicated, very public punishment he instead received for losing. There was also an information disparity: Christian ONLY knew the prize, not the punishment. So he reasonably could have made the calculation: "Well, the prize is pretty minimal, I'll probably be fine if I lose," and ended up completely wrong. This was a really brutal punishment. He was already in trouble when he lost, but he was then forced to attach a target to himself that was unmissable.

- The challenge itself was fairly difficult, at least in a short amount of time. (It's unclear how short, which limits our ability to really assess the fairness.) The puzzle was two-sided, and the interior parts of the S50 logo are pretty uniform (green trees, blue water swirls). Because of that, it felt like the goal was simply to force someone to lose, not really giving them a 50-50 shot at either outcome.

- My biggest objection is that the penalty for losing was not just taking away Christian's vote, as normal journeys do. And it wasn't just that it was effectively taking away his vote AND starting him off with one vote against him. It's that the very public disclosure of that penalty, in front of the tribe, reading from a pre-printed note, effectively removed any ability of Christian to play around it. If he'd read the penalty on the dock at the time he lost, he could at least concoct some cover story on the boat ride back. Here, everyone knew exactly what happened with 100% certainty, at the same time Christian did. It's strategic handcuffs. (Although I guess it was theoretically possible he'd ALSO been given an idol at the same time, giving him an alibi and a powerful tool.) The fact that he opened the sealed letter in front of everyone, however, should have been proof enough.

- Shouldn't there be a higher standard of review for a twist that *completely* violates one of the most basic Survivor rules (you can't vote for yourself)? I'm starting to think that the reason there was no pushback on the "Tyler Perry idol" in S28: Cagayan was not because the show was too polite to point out that they had already tried that format, and it had failed because it was too powerful, but because nobody remembered that it had been tried before. Or maybe it's just that any cockamamie idea that Probst brings in from a celebrity is automatically greenlit.

In summary: They made us all hate the extremely fun timing mechanism from Rachel's journey in Survivor 47. How is that even possible? It's still so cool, yet now so terrible.

Cirie's path to the end?

As we sit at final 10, Cirie has a tight trio in her "Cirie's Rizard of Ozz" alliance, and has good connections to Tiffany and Joe and Stephenie, and also original-tribe connections to Devens and Emily, and an S34: Game Changers connection with Aubry. She's about as well-positioned as anyone possibly could be. Also, and this is not a minor point: she's Cirie, one of the best Survivor players of all time. So everything should be smooth sailing from here on out, right? Weeellll ....

Apologies to anyone who has not yet seen SurvivorAU 11: Australia v. The World, but my reaction to Cirie's path in that season was mostly one of mild disappointment. [Spoilers coming.] At final five, Cirie had a clear path to the finals, if only she had fought harder to keep her most loyal ally (Lisa) in the game, over the pair who were much closer to Parvati (Luke and Janine). It felt like Cirie had a blind spot for her true #1, Parvati, and Cirie deferred to her friend's judgment, rather than try to change her mind. It lost her the game. Coming into this season, I thought maybe Cirie had lost a step, but now I'm thinking that if anything, the AU v The World experience has honed her skills. Or at least I hope it did.

In any rationally run season, Cirie should be one of the first people you vote out, just like Dee's friend told her to do. (Note that Dee ended up working with Cirie, instead.) Cirie is THAT good at the social/strategic game. She's endlessly charming, she's fun to be around, everyone just feels better when they're with Cirie. It's impossible not to smile when she interrupts herself mid-sentence with her infectious giggle. And *everyone* talks to Cirie, which is what makes her so dangerous. She has a bird's-eye view of the entire game, and the intelligence to position herself perfectly within it. As everyone else is groaning about Rick Devens having an "idol," Cirie is calmly chuckling in confessional, "Anybody that has a bigger target than me is beneficial to my game."

Her biggest Achilles heel, however, is that she's objectively terrible at individual immunity challenges. She's now competed in 26 of them, and won zero times. That's a problem when you get close to the end, and people suddenly realize: "Oh shit, I'm going to lose in a landslide to Cirie if she gets to talk to the jury." I think we're already at the point where they *should* realize that, but they haven't. (Boston Rob voice: "They nevah do.") She easily beats Stephenie, Joe, Jonathan, Aubry, and Rick. Probably also Emily, Rizo, and Tiffany. The one person she might have trouble against, however, is ... gulp ... her #1, Ozzy.

Ozzy appears to be extremely tight with Joe, Jonathan, and Stephenie. He's voted with them the last two votes, and was one of the first people they sought out after the last Tribal. I still think most of the other potential jurors would still vote for Cirie over Ozzy if they're in a final two or three against each other, though. That's why Ozzy's position as Cirie's closest #1 is worrisome: What happens when it's Ozzy who realizes, "Oh shit, I'm going to lose to Cirie?"

Parvati played that situation perfectly: She got rid of Cirie's closest allies, sure, but given a chance to force a tie at Final Four, she did so with gusto, giving Cirie a second opprtunity to win an F4 firemaking tiebreaker. She backed her friend, and in doing so, it was an easy decision for Cirie to make the next day, in turning around and giving her jury vote to Parvati. So Ozzy already has a course to the end mapped out for him. If he takes Joe and Stephenie, and Cirie sadly leaves the game at F4, even though he fought for her and forced the tie vote, the million is his for the taking. (Although if it goes down that way in back-to-back seasons for Cirie, I'll just be at a loss for words.)

If you're looking for a silver lining here: There's no way Ozzy could have known all that before S50 filmed, because even though AU v The World filmed in September/October 2024, it didn't start airing until almost four months after the cast left to film S50. Could Ozzy have worked out a plan with this kind of finesse? Eh, probably not, although he could certainly do it accidentally. Who knows?

The tempestuous teapot of tepid takes

- That is not a blindside: - One of Jonathan's many teeth-grindingly excruciating confessionals: "After Christian blindsided me at Tribal, now I know he's so untrustworthy." First off, that's not a blindside. He misled you about who he was voting for. A blindside is when someone votes YOU OUT, after convincing you otherwise. Did Boston Rob forget to teach you that? (He used this phrasing in at least two separate confessionals, so clearly not.) Second off: You actually blindsided (didn't just lie to, voted out) Kamilla and Dee in the two Tribals before that! Please slap yourself with your stupid hobo pirate pants.

- Oh no, it's Miss Hissy, the Mar-a-Lago-faced declawed cat! - Stephenie in the opening minutes of the episode: "I'm gonna babyface them all to death, and I'm gonna slit all their throats." Strong words from someone who proceeds to lay low, make no discernible push to do anything, then vote for Devens, who she thinks has an idol. Bloodcurdlingly vicious!

- All-delusional F4? - Similarly to Stephenie, for past few episodes, we've seen an uptick in confessionals from Aubry about how she's playing to win. Both are talking big about how well they're playing, despite not really doing anything discernible. And all season long, we've had the same talk from Jonathan (ugh) and Rizo (really more of a continuation of his style from 49). Is it possible they're our final four, and the jury just has to pick one of them? Alternatively, if you add in Cirie and Ozzy, we might have all six people who make it to the finale. That feels a little more realistic. (Sorry for raising your hopes that Cirie might win, I'm sure there will be a surprise Tyler Perry advantage at F6 that takes her out, or something.) I still think the winner is either Jonathan or Rizo, although I guess it's possible Ozzy could pull it off.

- South Pacific, revisited - For all of Ozzy's faults that season, most of the S23: South Pacific jurors seemed to agree that if Ozzy had just won that Final 4 IC, he would have easily been their consensus choice for Sole Survivor. Coach, meanwhile, was actually in the final three and had his chance to state his case, where he refused to own up to not always playing with honor and integrity, and lost. Here, Coach seemed to go out of his way to prove he'd learned nothing from the S23 experience, and was voted out, while Ozzy is falling just short in challenges again, but is not only staying in the game, but is arguably in one of the best positions to win. Once again. Maybe we didn't really need a rematch.

- Results-oriented - No matter how grim the leadup to the finale is, Survivor fans love a happy ending. For evidence, look no further than the popularity of S16: Micronesia, which I contend is basically just warmed-over S5: Thailand, especially in the pre-merge, but with a few flashy Tribals towards the end (the Ozzy blindside, the Jason boot, the Erik necklace heist), and a fan-favorite winner. (Cirie being there is really the only tolerable part of the pre-merge.) It routinely sits in the uppermost tier, close to if not #1, in most fan season rankings, even though on an episode-to-episode basis, it's mostly unpleasant to watch.

So even with all this season's horrendously unfair twists and boneheaded miscalculations ("Fans will love it if their already microscopic input is flushed away in a deluge of celebrity appearances!"), if there are a few more big, fan-pleasing Tribals (Jonathan blindside, please? or Stephenie?), and a Winner The Fans Like (Cirie, maybe Ozzy or Rizo, or Tiffany or Emily?), even *this* season could still be regarded as a good or even great one. No pressure, season that's been in the can for almost a year!