Captions by Jeffrey Lee P. - Jeff Pitman's Survivor: Worlds Apart Ep. 9 vidcap gallery

Episode 9: Captions by Jeffrey Lee P.

By Jeff Pitman | Published: April 21, 2015

Survivor 30: Worlds Apart Vidcap gallery

Oh, hey. It's a True Dork Times vidcap gallery! Warning: Captions may not reflect the actual events you saw on TV.

This week: As the title suggests, this week's captions are all written by one Jeffrey Lee P. See if you can tell the difference.

Shirin gets it. That's exactly what I want to happen.
Here's Rodney. Did you catch that? He's planning to vote out Mike! We like to drop hints like that occasionally.
Here's Mike. He works hard.
See, here Mike is with Shirin, and some blonde woman.
Shirin is right to want to work with Mike. Mike works. He works a lot.
New rule: Only actual fans are allowed to touch the @JeffProbst twitter handle chyron.
Look at all this candy, sitting out in the hot sun! You contestants will be allowed one M&M.
Here we go! Isn't that host guy generous?
Look, Survivor audience! The overweight guy enjoys candy! Aren't we funny?
Oh look, so does the other overweight guy! Ha ha!
This is hilarious! Chubby guys eating candy! I hope they have numerous pratfalls during the challenge!
He's falling down! Ha ha!
This is great stuff.
Ha ha ha! This guy is America's greatest producer of entertainments!
This is even more hilarious than balls to the crotch on America's Funniest Home Videos, because there's a high probability of actual injury!
Why aren't you people falling? Don't you understand the principles of comedy?
Why did we include grappling hooks again? They're not remotely dangerous.
There's Mike. Working again.
Mike is a blue collar guy, with a blue colored hook.
The Blue Collars win! Merica!
They haven't brushed their teeth in weeks, and now they'll be stuffing their mouths with candy. I run a side business in dentistry.
Here are the No Collars, talking about not having fun. As you know, No Collars only care about fun.
Look, we know we spent maybe $10 on the candy in this reward. But we gave them towels!
I personally licked two or three M&Ms in each bowl before sending these out. You're welcome!
This person is talking about eating candy. There, saved you sitting through that confessional.
Here's Rodney again. Did you know he's planning to vote out Mike a few episodes from now? Stay tuned!
We like chickens, because sometimes they're more interesting than the contestants.
Here's Rodney doing a great impression of Mike at Tribal Council! So funny!
Here's Joe. He's handsome. Get used to seeing him, America!
Rodney is great TV. He's funny, AND he's planning to vote out Mike in three episodes. Had you heard that?
Rodney also did an impression of me, but we cut it because obviously it wasn't any good. Even if the wannabe quitter did laugh about it.
Here's Dan. Such an iconic guy. How did we miss out on him for so long? With the bald head and the beard and the cape? Great stuff.
Can you believe we used to hand-paint this crap on logs and other items? Now it's laser printer all the way, baby! Progress!
Joe looks worried about immunity, but he shouldn't. I love him, America loves him. Even Merica loves him. It'll all work out eventually. Even if it takes four tries.
Here's Jenn, wanting to either quit or give immunity to Joe. Search your feelings, Jenn. You know it to be true!
Nothing beats a good old pre-challenge butt shot.
Here they are from the front, in case you care.
We adjust the height of the bases so we can get great shots like this. Gold! Even if you can't really see the people on the other end. Eh, who cares?
Watch out, Joe, the log of Damocles is dangling over your challenge run! Coach told me to say that. Love Coach.
Rodney's out already, but did you know he's planning to vote out Mike eventually? Hint hint!
Wow, the Cat in the Hat has really let himself go.
No! Joe's out? Hmm, next time we do this, we should try to work in a way to injure/embarrass people as they drop out.
Rodney looks happy. Maybe it's because he has a secret plan to vote out Mike. But not this week!
There's that blond guy. What's name again? Toña?
Oh yeah, that guy won. Dan's really getting into it. He's a super, super fan.
Look, Joe. You're nowhere near as sad as we are. Trust me.
Toña is right to be happy. This is a big honor.
The necklace is okay, but all anyone ever wants to talk about is getting touched on the shoulder. I get it. It's a big deal.
Sorry, Joe. Hopefully you still have some magic left in you.
Shirin is listening to Joe. Does she have a plan to save him?
But by saving Joe, she'd be making Mike mad. Tough call. They're both so great.
And look, maybe they'll all just vote for Jenn. She wants it! Please do it!
Here's Mike again. He's working hard. Hard, hard worker. Hard.
This is great. Joe and Dan are talking about nothing, but we got them in the same shot. How awesome is that?
What's this? Joe is digging something up? Isn't that more of a Blue Collar thing to do? That's not right.
That's pretty nice. Okay, art is very No Collar. Phew, I was worried for a second there.
Now Joe is talking to Mike. You guys, we dream about this sort of shot. Wow.
Here everyone is pretend hiking to Tribal. They look half asleep because we made them do it 20 times, until we got the light right.
Seriously, Joe. Next time, at least.
There's that No Collar law student. Isn't she beautiful? We love having young women make the jury, where they can look good while sitting quietly.
See? Everyone loves it. My impromptu survey says this is the right thing.
Look, we made them sit together by original tribes. Arent we clever?
Please quit, Jenn. No hard feelings. Save Joe. You know you want to.
Right? Who wouldn't want to?
Come on Mike, don't make us make judgment calls. Just try it out.
Here's Rodney. Surprise! He's not voting out Mike this week, it's in a few episodes! Keep it under your hat. Wink, wink.
Here's Mike playing Joe's idol. What a great moment! Were you shocked it didn't work?
So much gravitas. Emmy for sure.
He's winking at you, America!
Sad news, America. Also, a donut!
You said what we all feel. All of us.
Great seasons can still be tragedies, right?

Jeff Pitman's recaps Jeff Pitman is the founder of the True Dork Times, and probably should find better things to write about than Survivor. So far he hasn't, though. He's also responsible for the Survivometer, calendar, boxscores, and contestant pages, so if you want to complain about those, do so in the comments, or on Bluesky: @truedorktimes

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