If there's one thing TV loves, it's award shows. And if there's one thing we here at the True Dork Times do best, it's giving TV what it most loves.We're givers. So for this season of Survivor, instead of predicting the show's outcome, which can be a lot of work, we'll just sit back and fling awards at it. Every week.
"What's that?" you ask. "How can you give multiple weekly awards to a show that almost never even gets nominated for an Emmy?" The answer is simple: We have low standards. Our awards are for outstanding, or at least unavoidable, performance within the show itself. So whether your red carpet outfit is a fabulous designer ensemble, or one constructed out of actual red carpet, step forward, Survivor: South Pacific contestants! You're being awarded, as follows....
Everyone loves that one player who mugs for the cameras, confidently assures the audience of their brilliance (despite evidence to the contrary), and generally treats winning strategic gameplay as if it were a secret stash of toilet paper.
Everyone, that is, except us. We prefer to whine about it.
The equal and opposite reaction to the Troll in recent seasons is the necessary editing of less-colorful contestants out of the season entirely, in order to give that one person-who-couldn't-possibly-be-acting more screentime for their droll, entirely unrehearsed confessionals.
Those people who get edited out? We'll try to remember who they are here.
Here there be people whose only game is winning challenges, until they don't.
They're gone shortly after that.
And finally, the only award that is actually positive, except in seasons where the strategy maven reaches the final two/three and receives zero jury votes.
Which is a lot of them, sadly.