| Episode
5 |
| "Pick-up
Sticks" |
Days
13-15: Nov. 16-18, 2002
Aired: March 13, 2003 |
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"I'm
not Jenna, I am Batgirl! Now give Heidi back to that sweet, innocent
Jenna."
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Tune
in to Reality TV, where everything you're shown happened exactly
as you see it.
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Yeah, we know this
one is beyond fashionably late. But the fact is, this series bores us.
And the only thing more painful than watching it the first time is having
to remember what happened well enough to write about it afterwards. Plus,
we're pissed that CBS has saved some of the best footage (such as Rob's
voting comments) for their bogus pay-per-view conspiracy with Yahoo! (thankfully,
Yahoo! only grudgingly admits that Macs exist, so even if we were under
the influence of massive quanitities of drugs, we couldn't watch that
stuff, anyway. Although it might make the actual show better).
So instead, in the spirit of the Yahoo! Platinum
footage we're not watching, we present to you: even more deleted scenes
from Episode 5:
| You
ain't never getting anywhere |
Jenna: "Okay,
here's the deal: I'll tell you all my tribe's secrets, as long as
you keep your nerd germs off of me." |
Day 13:
The big "date"
As Jenna and Dave settle down for their
summit meeting, Burnett's master plan to finally get to film some
real sex are quickly falling apart. Dave has unfortunately mentioned
his occupation to Jenna. "You're a what? Get out!" Dave
looks confused. "No I mean it, get out! I don't want to spend
the night with a geek! I'll bet you weren't even in a fraternity,
were you?" Dave, taken aback, stammers, "Well, as an engineer,
I know all the Greek letters! Even in lowercase! Does that help?"
Watching the live feed safely out of sight, Mark
Burnett and Jeff Probst are conferring about how this could have
happened. Probst is flabbergasted. "I swear, Boss, Rob swore
he was 22 in his audition video. We all thought he was the youngest!"
Burnett fumes silently for a few minutes. Eventually, he says, "Jeff,
this is inexcusable. We even promised Rob this would be coming,
and look what we have going on now." (On the monitor, Jenna
is further covering herself up with a bath robe). "Don't think
I can't step in to host this next season. After all, the Eco-Challenge
is only on for one week a year, and there's only so much more screentime
I can hijack from that show." |
| I'm
so pretty, oh so pretty, uh... |
Butch: "Oh
my Lord, she's tipping over again, Dave! Don't let those things
hit the machetes, they might explode!"
|
Day 14:
Tambaqui
The new, female, members of Tambaqui arrive
to a warm welcome. Hugs are exchanged all around, and the everyone
stands around in a circle, getting better acquainted. Seeing as
this is the best opportunity to address everyone at once, one of
the women pipes up with an important announcement....
It's Heidi. "Just so everyone knows,
I am extremely cute." She pauses briefly to pick some of the
scabs off of her face. "I know some people on the other tribe
had some problems with this" (she glares intently at Jeanne,
while readjusting the drawstring of her pants, which are threatening
to slip off her skeletal frame). "But I can't help it. But
I will need some special considerations, such as you guys doing
all the work while I sit around. Because you all have more body
fat than me, and besides, I'm better looking." |
So that's it. Yeah, it's short, but not much happened. Join us next week,
during which we're sure hilarity will ensue. Somewhere, anyway. Maybe.
Back to the top. |
