Below please enjoy our collection of vidcaps from this episode, replete with inaccurate captions.
Apparently they decided to save me AT Tribal Council? Can I please get traded to Beauty now?
The final three: Lift no evil, think no evil, see no evil
We're craving victory? Who said? You can't prove anything!
Spencer had better step it up in this challenge, because Probst has promised us an Outcasts twist to bring J'Tia back, should the Brains lose again
The Brains, leaving Luzon behind them
So... I'll bet none of you are wondering why there are just two mats on the sidelines, and two poles in the challenge.
Yeah, you really stumped us, Probst. Good one.
What? I might be on a tribe with even homelier people?
You should be, Jefra. You SHOULD be.
But if I leave, what will happen to my spyshack?
Yay! Nothing's changed! I'm still beautiful!
Seriously, Probst? A random swap, and I STILL don't get traded to Beauty? Oh, FFS.
Yay! We're all purple! Except you, Sarah. Sucks to be you.
Future endgame alliance?
Alexis - 'Hi, I'm Alexis! Nice to meet you!' Kass - 'We'll see about that.'
The new Aparri. Decidedly less Brawn-y.
The new Solana. They're beautiful on the inside. Probably.
I know some of you have had an invisible edit up until this point, and I'm sorry. See? I'm hugging you right now, as far as I can tell.
Sorry about the six mugs, guys, we forgot Cliff was still here.
Starting line, Ep5 RC.
Look, we can do this one of two ways: The easy way, or the hard way.
Looks like they chose the hard way.
In which Sarah takes a nap on top of Lindsey.
The new Brawn.
Starting line, round 2.
Elapsed time: 1 second.
Alexis, powdered and ready for the next challenge, Geisha Crasher.
Seems close... -ish. Oh, who are we kidding?
Cliff leans back and relaxes, while Spencer and Jeremiah fumble in vain.
Starting to question the strength of this Cops-R-Us thing.
This seems familiar.
Look, Probst. Adding people from Beauty to my tribe is NOT what I was asking you to do.
Psst, he's standing right behind you, LJ.
I got donuts out of the swap AND the RC. Great.
Smell my finger.
Dude, I may be a surfer, but I'm not falling for that.
LJ is from Boston. I'll bet his finger smells like Dunkin' Donuts. Or possibly horses.
Apparently it was horses.
Lindsey mocks Trish by impersonating a smiling person with poor vision.
Ha ha, I'll bet Trish is super angry at me now. She hates smiling. Also, her vision is merely sub-standard!
Dude, if the multiverse contains an infinite number of universes, there's probably one in which we're playing this same game, but we're out of power, and soon to be booted. That's nuts, right?
I'm not buying Woo's crazy probabilistic fairy tales, but all the same, I'm keeping my eye on Trish.
Like I said, keeping my eye on Trish.
Okay, you guys. Here's your new home. Nobody touch that spyshack over there, though, okay? It's secret.
*Groan* Okay, fine, I'll make you all some rice before giving you the grand tour.
You know, we have TWO bags of rice, some of you slackers could step up and use the other one to make more.
Oh REALLY? That's odd, right, Morgan?
I'm pretty sure they all still trust me.
Okay, Spencer and Jeremiah: Sure, I did look for the idol. But look: I have boobs.
So... you can't trust Morgan, and Jeremiah will flip on you in a second. Clearly, you should align with me, and take them out. Don't worry, I'll come up with a cover story.
No, no, keep talking, Alexis. I've just discovered an interesting bug bite on my wrist. But I'm paying attention. Really.
Brawn, Brains, and Beauty.
Oh, you don't say? Alexis is a horrible person, and tight with LJ, and we should boot her? Got it.
Oh, you Beauty people. So many stories.
You're in the what, now?
Only because there are subtitles, Jeremiah.
The good news: The Brains are in good shape. The bad news: We're stuck listening to the Beauty tribe, which may damage our actual brains.
LJ and I are in a tough spot. I hope our beauty can get us out of it, like always.
You're gonna give me what? Is that why we're sneaking off into the forest?
Survivor (host)-1, Idol's-2.
WE beat American Idol? Without CBS's treasured returning players or Hantz family members?
Pre-challenge lineup, Ep5 IC.
New tribes! Seven people on each tribe! So naturally, you'll each be sitting one person out.
GOB charged at Michael with his scissors. But Michael, as he always did, picked rock.
The former Brains charged at the door with their giant #2 pencil.
With their superior heft, new Solana launches a balanced, precision assault on their target. No way they're losing this, right?
The pencil is mightier than the 2x4.
Wait! Don't let LJ do the maze! Eh, too late.
Sigh. I tried to warn you.
Communicating and killing it.
The end is nigh.
But it's way nigher for new Aparri.
Hooray, giant pencil!
A good time was had by all, until the cop came in and tackled the celebrants.
How did this happen? A-maze-ing.
That decision to boot J'Tia? Looking pretty good right now.
Any of you guys seen my spyshack? I thought production would transport it to the new camp.
The jubilant Aparris take the idol into custody.
Things are looking decidedly more down for Solana. Or at least more squinty.
Seriously. It's been over 24 hours now. I would like to file a missing persons report for the #spyshack.
Well, it's me and Jefra vs. five people who've never been to Tribal Council. I like our chances, actually.
This alliance is totally unified and headed in the same direction.
I know, I have nothing in common with you guys. I mean, I'm a bartender, Lindsey's a bartender. It's not like being from Boston.
LJ and I both played college sports in New England. We're nothing alike. He's gotta go.
LJ and I have both done some modeling and acting. We have nothing in common. He's gotta go.
...collecting sticks. He's done collecting sticks.
Sure, the Brawn tribe never went to Tribal, but Cliff and I flipped a canoe together. How could anyone flip on us after that?
We've spent the entire episode talking to each other about Boston, but we shouldn't be seen together. Here, I'll face the other way. Nobody will suspect a thing.
Oh great, Trish is flipping on us.
Not on, OFF. I'm flipping off. But yes, it's at you.
So. We're gonna boot Cliff. He's the tall one.
Why are we booting Cliff? He has two people in his alliance, tops! LJ has three or four, and only one on this tribe. Why Cliff?
Cliff, keeping his eye on LJ and Jefra.
If only I had my spyshack, this would make sense. Instead, I'll pound my head with this pole.
Okay, it all makes sense now. Who's Trish, again?
So, you think nihilism is an outdated concept in a society where rampant consumerism reigns supreme? I disagree.
I dunno, Cliff seems pretty unimpressed.
Five straight Tribals, still none attended by the orange tribe (so far).
Is Cliff just sitting directly on the ground?
So... Trish is with LJ and Jefra...
...and Lindsey and Woo are with Cliff...
...so where does Tony stand? Or sit, in this case.
Oh man, you guys forgot to put a roof on this place? Great.
Seriously, even the Beauty tribe's shelter provides more rain protection than this. Nice going, Probst.
You know, you didn't need to leave the roof off on my account. I know how to duck.
Jefra retains her perfect voting record.
With this beatific framing of my headshot? Please.
You GUYS. That's ALL of our stunt casting this season, out by the fifth vote. Let's try again.