If this is the only recap of each week's Survivor episode that you read/look at pictures from... we apologize.
Tony... you voted for... LJ?
The young lad observes the not-young not-lad explaining himself
I trust Tony... to make flashy moves that target others, while turning a blind eye to my social game
It was 'top five' the first time, Spencer. Come on, aren't econ majors supposed to be good with numbers?
Tony made a move that benefitted me, and I STILL have a hidden idol. Everything's coming up Spencer!
Did Spencer say he was planning to take me out? Come on, you can tell me. We're friends.
You mean like the audience was, when this was filmed hours before actual eavesdropping?
You see that tree over there with the brush stacked at the base? That's my secret bathroom. Don't tell anyone.
The one the cameras keep filming? What did you DO in there?
Yay, time for Kass, Woo, Tony and Trish to not get food again. Let's see if we can get them all on one team.
Spoiler alert: Yup.
Tell us what the young lad will be eating, Jeff
Pro-tip: When lining the contestants up on a downward slope with the host in the foreground, make sure the shortest is closest to Probst, to make him appear taller
Can we just skip this, and go directly to the feast?
The echoes of Colton yelling at Kat still reverberate along this very beach
Yay! More knots!
From the markings on the boats, it appears that Spencer finally, FINALLY got his wish, and was traded to the Beauty tribe.
Probst decides to step up his game from criticizing women during challenges to actually whacking them in the head.
This platform has seen more puzzles than Will Shortz
Worth Pig Nyoor! That's it!
Woo vs. Spencer and Tasha on a puzzle? Seems fair.
One or more of these things is not like the others...
Okay, now we can eat. After the helicopter ride and various filming stuff.
But seriously, Probst. Move it along. Those ribs aren't getting any fresher.
I've won 1 team challenge and finished second once, in 12 tries. Can you put me on LJ's team next time? Oh, wait. Dammit.
Those things are a diarrhea-fest anyway. Trust me.
*Thinks about Tony's spy shack*
My new spy shack has developed an odd odor. I could have sworn I built another one right here in this camp in Episode 1. Has anyone seen it?
You're okay, right, Woo? I don't want to put down these papayas.
Ask not for whom the ass breaks. It breaks for thee.
Meanwhile, at the reward... oh geez, they're crying already?
This is the episode in which Spencer slips up
The best part of Survivor is the way they embrace local culture. The giant cookies and coleslaw will be eaten over bamboo placements.
I love bamboo placemats!
Spencer keeps a watchful eye on the most important strategic question: the number of remaining giant cookies
You want me to do what now?
And the gamebot getting the humanizing edit treatment in this episode is... Jefra?
Yes! Why do you ask?
My mom told me if it's an even-numbered boot, and I'm in a majority alliance that's just going to Pagong the minority alliance anyway, I might be able to sneak into the edit if I pretend to flip. It's a white lie.
See? We're pretty sure it's in there somewhere.
I can get teary, too! WTF?!
Did y'all know there are still ribs here? Mmm, ribs.
Poor Jeremiah, someone should have clued him in to the humanizing edit routine
Well... it's a relief we didn't have to watch anyone return to camp after the reward.
Listening to Probst talk about balls and poles
Indeed, balls and poles
Balls and poles. (Apparently, this never gets old.)
Jefra's ball gets separated from her pole. Sounds painful.
Tony and Trish opt to audition for Hole in the Wall instead.
Balls and poles. Are we doing this right? We're not sure we fully understand the comedic potential
More balls and poles are continuing to drop
Typical former cheerleader. Always so focused.
Balls and poles. Let us know whenever you get tired of this.
Woo! Balls and poles!
Balls and poles! The end is in sight! We promise!
Thus endeth the ceaseless hilarity of balls and poles.
Oh fine: Balls and poles! See, that's funny because it was an unexpected call-back.
Now that I've been humanized, I should probably flip back now, before the episode's over.
The typical happy returning-to-camp-after-an-IC shot
Tony is racing through the woods to _____ (A) Build a new spy shack, (B) Find a Tyler Perry idol, (C) Go to the bathroom (not in his spy shack, probably)
Correct answer: C
I've already got the episode title. Can I get the idol, too? Please?
You shouldn't. Seriously.
These trees with weird roots you keep making us do our confessionals at... are you trying to tell us something?
Relax, probably just a false alarm. Those special idols are always buried deep, and require triangulation and multiple clues to find.
Hashtagged and bagged.
Dear Tony. We're planning to distract the audience with some jibber jabber about your spy shack thingy you built. Please go over there and film a few scenes for it.
Elated? Excited? Thrilled to bits? Why wouldn't they be? Turning a great, balanced, competitive season in a predictable slog is always a great idea.
The anger arrow points at Tony
You and the audience both, Woo. You and the audience both.
Well, we had nine episodes of excitement and unpredictability. That was a good run, right?
Sorry I monopolized the humanizing edit time, but I'm voting for you
Can she do that? This is my first confessional this episode!
Not everything. NOT everything.
Okay, now it's all out in the open.
He really should have told us that before all those challenges where we didn't let him do the puzzle
Research shows this is 10x more effective than plugging your twitter handle at the reunion show
Seriously. You might get hired to write for The Millers, and NOBODY wants that.
Come on, Jeremiah. Dawdling isn't gonna save you.
An idol, a necklace, and a boot
Approximately 10 billion Tribal Councils filmed, and still nobody has been shown interrupting the proceedings by farting. Try harder, future contestants.
LJ brings his dynamic personality and facial reactions to the jury
Good news, Tony. We're all voting for you if you reach the finals.
Gosh, I hope they didn't vote for me
Young lad, will you? Bag of tricks, why don't you? I'll show you, old man.
As I said before, everything's coming up Spencer. Check.
What, this? Okay, I'll check it.
Time for some validation.
This is, indeed, a boring old idol. Hope it wasn't hidden more carefully than the special one.
It probably wasn't.
This guy broke his ass, and this is the thanks you give him? Not cool, guys.
Just for that, you will get a forward-facing snuff, featuring me, Jeff Probst.
Jeremiah Wood, model. Google it, you guys.