Dear CBS/SEG casting: For two brief, banjoey minutes, we were somewhat distracted from how dull and lifeless this season has been. Please cast more pigs*. Thanks.
- Your friend, TDT.
*Keeping in mind that, the second you do, we plan to whine incessantly not only about how pigs are taking casting slots away from deserving applicants, but also that all they ever do is squeal "Hey! Look at me! I'm a pig! On TV! (Please don't eat me!)", and suck up all the screen time. We'd likely give them a trite, derisive nickname, like Sir Hamsalot. And we'd probably even give them a sarcastic award, such as this one, for example. Wait....
Okay, we get it: Tarzan hasn't had much to say that's game-related, apart from mumbling about lodestars, and this week's "I'll just do what the girls say." Fair enough. No need to further explore this, nor his previous strategic masterplan: The game is a futon. So that's probably why, even though he's now the last Manono standing, we've hardly heard any confessionals from Tarzan all season.
But can we talk about his non-confessional moments? Such as when, upon seeing Troyzan's effigy burn, he proclaimed that Troyzan's ashes had "become the molecular substrate of the island. So he does belong on this island." This statement makes absolutely no sense, neither from a chemical perspective (the island is composed of far more than carbon, and besides, "substrate" is the wrong word), nor with respect to Troyzan saying "This is my island!" Troyzan's boast implies he owns or controls the island, not that he is molecularly similar to it. Don't encourage him, Probst! Just because you don't understand what he's saying doesn't mean it makes sense. (This is not the first time, either... Tarzan's nominal aphasia seems to extend to using big words in the correct context.)
Even if there is precious little unaired wisdom to be had with Tarzan, however, we can still hope that the end of the Troyzan-vs-Kim storyline will free up some airtime, allowing us to learn something more about what Christina, Sabrina, or Chelsea (or even Tarzan!), are thinking about the game. Come on, it's possible they are thinking about it, right?
Let's be honest here: Kim already had a huge target on her back, and as with Troyzan the week before, the only reason she didn't receive any votes was because she was wearing an immunity necklace. But she's probably in a lot better position than Troyzan was, seeing as everyone left trusts her with their life (or so they claim), and she still has a hidden idol, should next week's immunity challenge not work in her favor. Also, she somehow managed to resist taunting all her remaining tribemates after winning immunity.
Winning the reward challenge, however, was less than ideal, as Kim appeared to learn. She was forced to both hurt people's feelings when choosing her reward companions, and look like more of a challenge threat, as long as the challenges involve knowledge of her tribemates and not being a target. Okay, maybe it wasn't so bad, after all. Not as problematic as, say, previous honoree Chelsea's narrow immunity challenge loss. But, since Christina is the first and only person to ever vote against Chelsea, probably not a huge problem.
Yes, we know, Kim played the superior strategic game in this episode, as shown by the vote going down as she planned. Nonetheless, Troyzan deserves some sort of mention for at least attempting to put up a fight for the past three episodes or so, which is more than can be said for most of the rest of the cast. On a regular season, Troyzan probably would have been an average player. No great shakes socially, decent physically, has a good idea or two strategically, if awkwardly executed. On this season? He's Richard Hatch to the Brian Heidik power, at least when measured against everyone left not named Kim. But make no mistake: this is still good enough for a departing Slitty, for at least trying to make it interesting.
Troyzan's efforts, while admirable, fell flat. After attempting (not particularly diplomatically, as Stephen Fishbach noted) to convince Kat, Christina and Sabrina to jump ship, his best play was his attempt to leverage two (ridiculously) publicly known, throwaway votes against Christina into a game-saving move. With eight people left, he knew there would be five votes against him, two against Christina, and his own vote. First he persuaded Christina to vote against Chelsea, despite not actually planning to vote against Chelsea himself. Instead, he planned to also vote against Christina, making the revelant vote 4-3, Troyzan-over-Christina. He just needed to flip one of those votes against him to make it 4-3, with Christina getting booted.
There were multiple problems with this plan, of course. First off, he didn't know which people were voting against him, and which against Christina. (The only plausible swing vote there was Kat, who he'd just spent the better part of three days telling to "wake up.") Secondly, even if he'd succeeded, this move only bought him one more tribal council, and even in the best-case scenario, his betrayal of Christina probably would have thrown away her jury vote. Not to mention that his antics at the previous episode's immunity challenge would have cost him everyone else's jury votes as well. Or that Christina was one of the only remaining players Troyzan might have been able to beat in front of the jury. So his move was a bit of a stretch as "playing to win." But it was, at least, a move. And compared to the rest of the somnambulant cast blindly trusting that Kim wants all six of them sitting next to her at the Final Three? Hatch to the Heidik.
This is what passes for a Slitty award this season (when we don't just go with the obvious and give it to Kim, who really is playing a fine game, despite our ennui). Still, we can't wait to start honoring next season's runaway favorite: Sir Hamsalot.
Exit interviews - Troyzan Robertson