Don't get us wrong, we don't hate Jeff Probst. Really!

While Probst's play-by-play bellowing can become a tad... superfluous, he also dissects and entraps contestants like a skilled CIA interrogator at tribal council, so on balance, his in-show presence is a plus. It's his commentary outside the show - unrequited Coach love, insistence that Russell Hantz is the greatest player ever, absolute certainty that everyone will love a Rob-vs-Russell matchup - that sometimes drives us up the wall. Sure, we get that part of his job is to encourage viewership, and he can't very well convince people to watch if he goes around telling everyone "To be honest, Survivor: Fiji kinda sucks," before the first episode even airs. We can handle perfunctory spin. It's just that his various pronouncements about the show, whether by blog, twitter, or interview, often take the tone of a royal decree (with nobody asking follow-ups), which makes them occasionally edge towards infuriating.

So this season, we'll return the favor. Two wrongs always make a right, don't they? We'll try to find the most outrageous Probstian positions, and answer back. We do this on twitter already, but this will serve as a more in-depth (read: wordier) exercise. And hey, if Sondre Lerche can carry on a Two-Way Monologue, so can we.