Inaccurate political predictions are our specialty

TDT cover

Other TDT.com political crap
Election 2004
Old crap
TDT Archives



Contact us

 

Oh dear, it's the True Dork Times'
Bush administration Indict-o-meter!
(So many scandals, so little prosecutorial time left until January, 2005)

Will anything come of the multiple election-year investigations into alleged wrongdoing (which, we will note, is distinct from Bush-coined "evildoing")? Meh, probably not, considering Republicans control all three branches of government. Still, should someone, somewhere get indicted for something, the chart below gives you the chances that key Bush officials will be that person. Now handily broken down by scandal! See key below.
And you are... Risk factors Safety factors General indictability
George W. Bush
I know notheeeng!		 - As CEO, delegates everything, so "I didn't do it" covers all bases. - Plame: lawyering up. (But still thinks Niger is a word he isn't allowed to say in public).
Plame
  0
Chalabi
  0
Halliburton
  0
Abu Ghraib
  0
Richard "Dick" Cheney
Don't mess with me, capiche?		 - Plame: Well, someone in his office outed her.
- Halliburton: Dems want an independent counsel. Pesky, leaky Army emails.		 - It's an election year, and the last thing the Democrats want is Vice-President Giuliani.
Plame
  33%
Chalabi
  0
Halliburton
  20%
Abu Ghraib
  0
Donald Rumsfeld
I was in the Navy once!

- Chalabi: Was he trustworthy? Sure! Did I leak anything? Heavens no!
- Abu Ghraib: Deny, deny, deny.

 - Reportedly was on the way out for Bush II, Part 2, anyway. May get shown the Tenet exit early.
Plame
  0
Chalabi
  25%
Halliburton
  0
Abu Ghraib
  33%
Paul Wolfowitz
Deputy Rummy		 - Chalabi: Oh Ahmad! Whisper to me again about how they'll greet us with roses!
- Abu Ghraib: Photos have a funny way of leaking out.		 - He's the Cheney to Rummy's Dubya. Safe as long as Don holds his post. Unless he's a useful scapegoat.
Plame
  0
Chalabi
  25%
Halliburton
  0
Abu Ghraib
  33%
Doug Feith
Mini-Deputy Rummy; Official Special Planner		 - Chalabi: So many ties, so much faith. All that OSP info.
- Halliburton: The VP's office coordinated the deal with him. Possible fall-taker?		 - Could always get Mark Zell back as his counsel. Whoops, maybe not such a good idea in the Chalabi case.
Plame
  0
Chalabi
  50%
Halliburton
  10%
Abu Ghraib
  10%
Lewis "Scooter" Libby
Wielder of Cheney's "Staff"		 - Plame: Joseph Wilson named him specifically, at least for pushing the story after it broke.

- On the other hand, with Dubya lawyering up, "we may never know" who did it.
Plame
  50%
Chalabi
  0
Halliburton
  0
Abu Ghraib
  0
Richard Perle
Darth Vader		 - Chalabi: Perle still insists the man can walk on water. - Regretably, no longer a government employee. So unlikely to take any falls here.
Plame
  0
Chalabi
  10%
Halliburton
  0
Abu Ghraib
  0

Key:
Plame Special prosecutorial investigation into the leaking of WMD-investigating CIA agent Valerie Plame's identity. Allegedly in payback to her husband, Joe Wilson. Wilson had criticized Bush for including, in his 2003 State of the Union speech, the claim (that the CIA knew was bogus) that Niger was smuggling yellow cake uranium to Iraq.
Chalabi Ahmad Chalabi, convited embezzler and darling of the neo-cons, "may have" supplied the Bushies with knowingly false Iraqi exile testimony about Iraqi WMDs, among other war-provoking info. Not to mention packing the IGC with his cronies, and carting off wheelbarrows full of secret documents and Iraqi cash. Plus someone in the Pentagon allegedly told Chalabi the US had cracked Iran's secret communications code, which Chalabi then conveyed to the Iranians.
Halliburton An army email popped up recently, alleging Cheney (or his office) had "coordinated" Halliburton's no-bid contract for Iraqi support and reconstruction (with the ever-popular Doug Feith, who was generally in charge of contracts). Shockingly, the Democrats want an investigation into this.
Abu Ghraib Were the prisoner abuses at Abu Ghraib (which the International Committee of the Red Cross seems to think also occurred elsewhere) just the fraternity-style pranks of some creative and bored MPs? Or were borderline torture tactics nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say no more-d from higher up in the chain of command? Gee, we wonder. So does the press, until something else pops up.
   

Back to the True Dork Times