| Now
playing: |
|
| "Who
Wants to Be a Millionaire's Lapdog?" |
| The
Democratic VP Sweepstakes |
|
| So this
joker is: |
Strengths |
Liabilities |
VP chances |
Dick Gephardt
63,
U.S. Rep, MO |
- Would be payback for taking
the fall in Iowa: putting a hit on Dean, while Kerry reaped
the
profits.
- Architect of the Democrats' spectacular defeat in the 2002 mid-term elections.
- Americans getting used to answering "Who's the VP?" with "Oh, some Dick." |
- If he works at it until November,
might be able to pull in all two of those union voters who
supported him in Iowa.
- Not unlike Bob Dole, minus the charisma. |
|
John Edwards
50,
Senator, NC |
- "I'll do everything I can,"
even shine Mr. Kerry's shoes! Please! Pick me!
-
Well-versed at the number two spot.
- Not like he has anything better to do next year. |
- Karl Rove's recurring wet dream is having a former trial lawyer
as an opponent.
- Better-looking and better-spoken than the boss usually means
unhired. |
|
Hillary Clinton
57,
Senator, NY |
- Liberals love her.
- Gosh, Mr. Kerry, I swear I have no plans to leave the Senate
for the Executive Branch. |
- Conservatives hate her. Moderates undecided, could go either way.
- Yet another Democratic Senator from a state with a Republican
governor. Unlikely.
- Hair might compete with Kerry's. |
|
Bob Graham
67,
Senator, FL |
-
Good at taking notes.
- Might be able to pull enough strings to counter Jeb's efforts
in FL this time. |
-
People outside of Florida still mistake him for an evangelist
preacher.
- Do we really need another VP with heart problems?
- Allegedly a nice guy. That'll never do.
|
|
Evan Bayh
48,
Senator, IN |
-
Edwards' clone, but from a state Kerry might actually have
a chance to win.
|
-
Two words: Dan Quayle. |
|
John McCain
68,
Senator, AZ |
-
Seeming slam dunk in election, if named. Could the Democrats
really be that smart? Nah, we didn't think so.
- He's hosted Saturday Night Live! (Then again, so has Sharpton).
|
-
Republicans aren't looking to lose Senate seats.
- Might not take Rove long to dig up 2000 primary hit pieces. |
|
Ralph Nader
70,
Mediawhore, US |
-
Would prevent the party from whining about losing the election
because he refused to drop out. |
-
Would create the opportunity for the party to whine about losing
the election because he agreed to be on the ticket. |
|
| Also
playing: |
|
| "Where's
My New Dick?" |
| The
Republican VP Sweepstakes |
|
| So this
joker is: |
Strengths |
Liabilities |
VP chances |
Dick Cheney
63,
US Vice President |
- Well, someone has to run the
government from an undisclosed location.
- Has already gone the extra mile and told the world he
doesn't want his daughter to marry. |
- Received a vote of confidence from Bush, always a bad sign.
- I'm presumin' I could be kinda human, if I only had a heart.
- Energy Task Force, Halliburton... eh, who'll remember those
after 9/11? |
|
Rudolph Giuliani
60,
former mayor, NYC |
- New York convention, held around
9/11, Bush hopes to have bin Laden dead or alive by then...
what could top it? |
- Pesky Republicans keep chattering on and on about marriage being
a "Sacred Institution."
- New York would still probably be a blue state. |
|
Colin Powell
67,
US Secretary of State |
-
Cheney's bunker far more comfy than dealing with foreign
diplomats 24/7.
- Favored over Cheney in a national poll.
- Has spent so much time appeasing him, might actually
be able to name the leader of Pakistan when the boss gets
quizzed on it. |
-
Michael already has a job, so no further incentive to keep sucking up.
- Might have to keep hearing that Chris Rock joke over and over again.
|
|
Condoleezza Rice
49,
US National Security Advisor |
-
Seems to actually enjoy parroting the administration
line whenever possible.
- The extra Z is for "Zippy."
|
-
Being the administration's designated scapegoat for 9/11
(apart from Dick Clarke, of course) may take up most of
her time. |
|
Elizabeth Dole
68,
Senator, NC |
-
Being a recently-elected Senator from North Carolina? Seems to have a ring to
it....
|
-
Unlucky last name.
- Let's just mention that Bob needed a little blue pill,
and leave it at that. |
|
 |
